[sarahm]

this is going to sound extremely messed up so prepare yourself.im a 15 year old female.When i was younger (about 5 or so) i had friends of the same age(and a little older) in my neighbourhood and they had stumbled onto their parents adult videos and had watched them.we were young&we used to re-enact what we saw in these graphic videos.We were all girls and what we did was,we'd go around the neighbourhood looking for condoms and use them our re-enactions.It was a long time ago but as i remember some of these were used and some still in the packets.Anyways,for basically my entire life i have been haunted by the possibility that i may have contracted HIV in that time.I have only ever told one person-no one else knows.Im still scared that my health may be deteriorating.SInce everything happened when i was so young I dont actually know if certain things about me are genetic or caused by the virus.for example,i am really skinny and lately i have been finding it difficult to remember things and this worries me.THe reason i have not had a test yet is because i cannot tell anyone.i do see a counsellor but i am not ready to tell anyone else yet,especially my parents.in the area i live,if you are my age,you need parental consent to get a test done and since i cant tell my parents (we arent close) I have to wait until i am 18 to find out.However,the idea of being positive is eating me up and sometimes it even makes me not want to do certain things because i dont think im going to live long enough to be able to achieve them(example getting married,having children).Can you help ?